A (long) post about me

It's been a while since I have a written a blog about how I am, how Sweden is, and have instead been hiding behind lots of photos and videos of Samuel and everyone else.

Truth is I am ok. Not walking on sunshine. But ok. As good as can be expected. Probably. How am I meant to be feeling right now?

I have been putting off writing a blog, as I have been desperately hoping for some good news to share. I had two second interviews in the past three weeks, and I am desperately hoping that one or other of the companies will offer me a full time job. Maybe I am attaching too much importance to this, but I genuinely feel that if I had a full time job that I would feel much more settled in Stockholm.

Lurking in the back of my mind and the pit of my stomach every day is the feeling that this could all end on January 31st (the day my contract runs out at GWP). Given GWP are a charity there is no chance that they will keep me on, as Matt will be coming back from paternity leave, and they simply don't have the money. In fact GWP's lack of cash, is one reason why I extended my trip to France, from the original five days, to 10 days (I had worked many more hours than they budgeted last month, so my boss was quite keen to claim some of that time back and get on budget).

Anyway, the state of play with my two interviews is that the American medical company, are doing two interviews today (Friday) and I should find out my fate next week. My first interview was confirmed by the job agency to be truly dreadful (I was over eager, and came across as desperate). But I toned it down for the second interview and prepared a presentation on their website (which I was not asked to do). It went much much better. But how much the first interview affected my chances I shall have to wait and see. The lady who interviewed me first, and didn't like me, would be my manager. Did that first interview blow it?

The second company is an international communications agency. I applied for several roles at this company, and they kept on turning me down. After the last rejection, I emailed back, and rather inpolitely asked why. The HR manager said she had no idea and would ask the hiring manager. Two weeks later, I was invited in to see them. The job description had mysteriously changed, and now my profile was suited to the role. I didn't believe it either, but how I get my foot in the door doesn't really matter, the fact was they were seeing me. For lunch. What followed was one of the stranger interviews of my life. In the middle of a very large communal dining room, with a plate full of food in front of me, I was asked to go through my cv by two very nice ladies. Whilst they ate, I spoke. I mentally wrote off the lunch after five minutes, and concentrated on talking them through my cv.

My concentration and dedication (and lack of appetite (I left the plate of food uneaten)) obviously impressed them, as I went to see them for a second interview this week. That obviously went well too, as yesterday they rang up one of my colleagues at GWP for a reference. However, it is far too premature to get excited (after all, this year has taught me to expect the unexpected). There is a person currently in the role! So if they employ me, they move that person sideways, and pay my wages. Thereby doubling the overall wage bill. Perhaps the HR lady is doing her paperwork in case they decide to offer me the job and no decision has been taken.

There is no champagne on ice, and whilst I am hoping for the best, I am half expecting the worse. After all, it's been a while since something good has happened.

Yesterday, I had one of my hardest days in Stockholm. As you may recall if you have read this blog from the beginning, I contacted two of Samuel's Mamma's friends Elsa and Henrik. And they met up with me, and I had a nice morning. We did not discuss the situation, it is understandable that Elsa would side with Samuel's Mamma. I would dearly have loved just to say "there are two sides to every story", but I didn't. After that I met with Henrik a couple of times as he is on paternity leave.

I have Sam on Monday, his Mamma wants him this weekend after he has been away for nearly two weeks in France. I sent Henrik a text asking if he wanted to meet up, for a play date on Monday when I have Sam. Here is his reply in full:

Hello, I dont feel comfortable to meet you right now according to the situation with Samuel's mamma. Hope you understand. Take care, Henrik.

My reply: No i don't understand at all. I thought we were friends and what has happened should not effect that. Nor have i ever done anything to Samuel's mamma that should stop you wanting to see me. I am shocked, disappointed and surprised. I thought you were a better person than that!

When you only have four friends in Stockholm (and two of them, Carina and Tony, are a couple) to lose one does make you sad. And I wonder now, why after we have met up, he chooses to dump me.

One of the nicest things to come out of this year, was how incredibly supportive my friends back in London (and Woking!) were. At the time, I was too consumed by sadness to truly appreciate it, but looking back now, I would like to say thank you to you all. Your support really did help me get through the blackest period of my life.

As for the situation with Henrik, there is nothing I can do. I thought he was made of better stuff than that. But if he wants to take sides and kick a man when he is desperate for nothing more than friendship, then that is his right. I won't be bothering him again, but it does make me sad. He was a great guy (and I know you may be reading this and thinking "yeh right" but he was).

So, what else? I have a new flat which I move into at the end of the month. In a brilliant location. Right in the middle of town. Dave and Liz saw were it was, and were suitably impressed. It has only one bedroom, but I have bought a sofa bed off the lady whose flat I am renting now, so whether it is Samuel, my mum, Step or Tom, or any of you reading this, coming to stay, there will be enough room to fit you all in. The lease is for a year, but given the couple who own the flat are in Washington DC, and have been for years, there is every chance I can stay there for longer. Which is good, given that moving ain't fun at the best of times!

The photo with Anna has drawn quite a few comments. She came round for dinner on Wednesday night. I cooked stir fry. I cannot tell you how nice it was to cook for someone again. I really miss that, I hate dining alone, without even a newspaper for company. But despite all the comments, if you have read the blog, you will know that friends is all I want, and all I need for now. It is too soon. And besides, until I have a fulltime job, I won't feel settled here. And until I feel settled, I don't think I will want to even consider affairs of the heart. All the same, it was a nice evening.

So come on mobile, ring with some good news. Unlike those X-Factor wannabees, who cry and beg, and say "it will change my lfe", when odds are, like Leon who won a few years ago, they will be back working in a clothes shop, wondering what happened, a full time job for me really would change my life. So vote now! Dial 0845 1234567 and vote Michael.